there's paper in my vomit.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
