During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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