i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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