I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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