New invention idea: vibrating tampons
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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