I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
