we have pet lesbian snakes
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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