I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
