So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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