We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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