when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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