Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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