he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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