I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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