he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
