watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
