You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
