So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize