thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
