I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
