Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
