Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
