I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
