I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think my vagina is haunted
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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