dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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