Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
