whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
