Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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