I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
