I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize