this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
