My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize