Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
