she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
