I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
