i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
