38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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