HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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