Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
