remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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