brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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