I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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