The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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