Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
