so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
