I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
