fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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