Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
