if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
