Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
