For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
