Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize