I wish life had little blips of pornography
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
