o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
