I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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