It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
