your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
