OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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