You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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