i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
