there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
