the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
