he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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