Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
