I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize