Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize