i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
