FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
