I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
