Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
