You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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