I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
