So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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