You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
