is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
