Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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