Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
