5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
