That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize