I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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