You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
