I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my being single is dangerous.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
