peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
