Fuck appropriateness.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
