we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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